The (Mis)Adventures of Tai Ho and Yam Koo
by Miyozuki Friidomo
Summary: Tai Ho and Yam Koo go on a magical adventure to the worlds of Final Fantasy 7 and 8. Trust me, it's better than it sounds. ;)


The (Mis)Adventures of Tai Ho and Yam Koo  
-----------------------------------------  
  
Tai Ho was sitting in front of the Toran Castle shoreline one fine morning, a fishing  
line in the water. Yam Koo sat next to him, his gaze floating from the line, to Tai Ho, and back  
to the fishing line.  
  
"Uhh... bro?" said Yam Koo quietly after a few minutes of utter silence.  
  
"Yeah?" replied Tai Ho.  
  
"Wouldn't that line... work better with bait?" asked Yam Koo, his gaze resting on the   
fishing line.  
  
"You'd think so. But the bait shop is a sucker's business. The best fisherman can catch  
fish WITHOUT bait." said Tai Ho, grinning proudly.  
  
"Uhh... okay. But why have you been buying bait for the past ten years if that's the   
case?" ventured Yam Koo timidly.  
  
"Because, I didn't realize the bait business was a death trap until this morning, when  
I was leaving my room at the castle. Something hit me." answered Tai Ho.  
  
"The door?" said Yam Koo, with slight sarcasm.  
  
"How'd you know? Anyway, after I woke up, I realized that THAT'S the reason the bait shop  
owner in Kuku tried to charge me extra yesterday. He KNEW I'd find out the technique of the   
master fisherman, so he wanted to get his extra potch in before I had a chance to master my  
ability fully." explained Tai Ho.  
  
"I thought it was because you broke the door to his shop when you were trying to learn  
how to dance."   
  
"He was jealous of that too."  
  
"Right. That must be it."  
  
"I'm glad you see things my way. You know, I think that I just realized another   
fishing technique." said Tai Ho abruptly.  
  
"Oh? Without hitting your head this time... impressive." said Yam Koo sardonically.  
  
"Very funny. I think I saw some dolphins doing this or something" said Tai Ho, diving into the water.  
  
Yam Koo blinked a moment, then sighed quietly. "Guess I should make sure he doesn't  
hurt himself...or something"  
  
With that said, Yam Koo dived into the water after Tai Ho.  
  
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Words of Wisdom From Tai Ho: "Always remember, that you can't walk forward without looking   
backward occasionally. Gotta watch out for those aliens."  
  
Words of Wisdom From Yam Koo: "...Yeah."  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Our heroes landed on a mysterious shoreline, gasping for air.  
  
"Bro... the trip to Kuku shouldn't have almost drowned us." gasped Yam Koo after a few  
minutes.  
  
"I know, normally I can swim nude to Kuku and it won't even tire me." said Tai Ho.  
  
"Oh. Wait... why would you swim nude to Kuku?"  
  
"...Anyway. We'd better find out where we are, don't you think so Yam Koo?"  
  
They hadn't gone very far at all when they found a dark cave looming on the side of a   
rather large mountain of red stone.  
  
"Wow. That cave looks friendly. I bet it's good luck." said Tai Ho, grinning and starting  
toward the cave. Before he had gone but a few steps, Yam Koo grabbed his sleeve tightly.  
  
"Bro... going into dark, mysterious caves seems an easy way to get lost and die."  
  
"Yam Koo," said Tai Ho in a reprimanding tone of voice. "If I've told you once, I've told  
you a few dozen times. I never get lost. Ever."  
  
"What about the time we had to clean the outhouse at the castle and got lost in the   
sewer?"  
  
"I wasn't lost. I told you so then, and I tell you so now."  
  
"Then why did it take us over a day to get out?"  
  
"I wanted to take the scenic route."  
  
"Of a dank, dark sewer?"  
  
"It wasn't always dark, I lit the torch I was carrying eventually."  
  
"Well... this isn't the same situation, anyway. We have no idea where we are, or what  
could possibly be lurking in a cave like that. We should just pass by it, and keep looking for  
a town."  
  
"Well if we have no idea about what's in that cave or where we are, how do you know  
that there isn't a cave-town or something in there?"  
  
At this, Yam Koo was at a loss for words.  
  
"That's what I thought. Come along, Yam Koo." said Tai Ho triumphantly as he led the way  
toward the dark, mysterious cave.  
  
"Why me." muttered Yam Koo, rolling his eyes.  
  
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Words of Wisdom From Tai Ho: "If you ever have to eat your socks, make sure you put salt on them   
instead of pepper."   
  
Words of Wisdom From Yam Koo: "There's always an advantage to having an insane brother."  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The two brothers ventured into the cave slowly, gazing about. The cave was very dark, the  
only light coming from some strange moss clinging to the various walls, stalactites and   
stalagmites. The rock formations were a greyish color, swirls of black mixed into them. The  
mouth of the cave was the only firm light source, and even it couldn't show Tai Ho and Yam Koo  
the end of the cave.  
  
"This doesn't look good..." muttered Yam Koo.  
  
"Yeah. Where's the cave-town? Maybe they like to sleep in, so they put their houses  
further inside where the sun wouldn't bug 'em." said Tai Ho.  
  
"Why do you make all these outrageously simple explanations when it seems you're wrong?"  
  
"But I'm not wrong."  
  
"I guess we'll see, won't we."  
  
"Yup."  
  
As they went further into the cave, Yam Koo lit a torch (he decided he wanted to   
be in charge of lighting since the aforementioned sewer foray).  
  
After what seemed like hours of walking (and enduring Tai Ho's cheerful whistling),   
the two came to a large gorge, spanned by a rickety wooden bridge. Most of the boards  
seemed to have rotted off, the remaining ones looking very unsafe. They could hear the sound of  
rushing water a long distance below them, though they couldn't tell how far down the sound  
was eminating from.  
  
"This looks fun." commented Tai Ho, as he continued walking toward the bridge as if it  
were as solid as stone. That is, before Yam Koo grabbed him firmly by the sleeve.  
  
"Are you blind?! That thing'll collapse the second you set your big toe on it!"  
  
"I think you're exaggerating," answered Tai Ho, putting one sandaled foot on the first   
board, which promptly cracked and fell into the dark gorge beneath them. "See? It took my whole  
foot to break a board. You're way too eccentric, Yam Koo."  
  
Yam Koo sighed lightly with frustration. "Can't we just turn back now? It shouldn't take  
too long to retrace our steps and-"  
  
"But why not just make new steps? Repeating stuff is boring."  
  
"This isn't the same thing."  
  
"It's close enough. We're basically just walking the same way backwards."  
  
"Technically, yes... but..."  
  
"There, you see? Repeats. Booooring."  
  
"That's it, bro," said Yam Koo firmly, narrowing his eyes at the grinning Tai Ho. "I'm  
putting my foot down. Either you go back with me, or you go forward without torches."  
  
Tai Ho seemed to think for a minute or two, rubbing his bearded chin thoughtfully.  
  
"...Okay. Later." he answered finally, tugging his sleeve out of Yam Koo's grip and   
walking toward the bridge.  
  
"Wait a sec, Tai Ho! Don't..." began Yam Koo, before Tai Ho started walking across the   
bridge, practically skipping. But for some strange miracle, the bridge didn't even creak as he  
crossed its entire length, making it to the other side whistling cheerfully.  
  
"Well I'll be..." muttered Yam Koo, starting to cross the bridge as well.  
  
The bridge snapped, all the supports giving way.  
  
"Shit!" screamed Yam Koo, before falling down toward the depths of the abyss.  
  
Tai Ho looked behind him. "See, told you we'd..." he trailed off, watching Yam Koo fall a  
moment, before diving down after him.  
  
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Words of Wisdom from Tai Ho: "I never cheat at dice."  
  
Words of Wisdom from Yam Koo: "Tai Ho always cheats at dice."  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
All Tai Ho could remember after he dived into the abyss was falling, for an indefinite  
amount of time, in blackness, in empty space. At the very edge of his memory, he recalled   
hearing the sound of running water, but it was loud and roaring. Right now, all he heard was  
birds chirping, and all he felt was a soft mattress underneath him, and a warm cover over him.  
Groaning, he opened his eyes, looking around slowly, as his vision focused.  
  
He was in a very odd room. The walls and ceiling appeared to be made of metal. There was  
a window right above him, to his right. Curtains obscured most of the rest of the room, but he  
could hear the faint sound of machinery as he became more coherent.  
  
As he became fully conscious, a middle aged woman wearing a long white coat, shirt and   
black pants, with her hair tied into a bun at the back, moved some curtains away, stepping in to   
look at him.  
  
"So, you're finally awake. How do you feel?" inquired the woman. A tag on her coat said  
Dr.Kadowaki.  
  
Tai Ho blinked for a moment, wondering if he'd hit his head on a telltale door at the   
end of that long fall.  
  
"...What the hell? Where am I?" he muttered, surprised at how hoarse his voice sounded.  
He rubbed his chin in contemplation, realizing something with shock:  
  
His beard was shaved off, and there was a bandage to replace it!  
  
"My... my beard..." whispered Tai Ho, his eyes widened with pure surprise.  
  
"You were found by some of the SeeD students floating in the ocean a few days ago,  
on the verge of death. I wasn't sure if you'd live through the ni-hey!"  
  
Tai Ho grabbed the poor doctor by the coat, shaking her silly.  
  
"You shaved my beard off! Why?! WHY?!" he shouted, bringing some confused  
stares from other patients seen just beyond the curtain.  
  
"Hey, calm down! Stop that!" she said sharply, slapping him.  
  
Tai Ho saw stars from the slap as he lied back down on the bed, stunned. "Woah, she hits  
hard." thought Tai Ho to himself.  
  
"We had to get rid of your beard because you had a gash on your chin. It needed to be  
stitched." she explained slowly, looking at him to see if he understood.  
  
"But you shaved my beard! You might as well have cut off my... hair!" said Tai Ho after  
a pause.  
  
Dr.Kadowaki stared at him for a minute, thinking to herself: "Just how messed up is this  
guy? He acts like someone who's hit his head a few too many times." But what she said out loud  
was: "In any case, you seem fine. A few days rest should fix you right up." With that said, she  
left and put the curtains back the way they were before she entered.  
  
Tai Ho closed his eyes for a moment. "Where did Yam Koo run off to?" he muttered to   
himself.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Words of Wisdom from Tai Ho: "Don't believe fortune cookies. They're only telling you what they  
-know- you want to hear."  
  
Words of Wisdom from Yam Koo: "Uhh... winners don't do drugs."  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Yam Koo looked around, frowning. "Oh geez... this place doesn't look right."  
  
Yam Koo was lying on his back in the middle of a lavish room. It was large, hexagonal  
shaped, and seemed to be made out of shining gold. There was a door in each corner of the room,  
including one especially large one a few feet to his left. He could see a man warding off some  
shady characters from entry.  
  
Climbing to his feet, Yam Koo put his finger in front of his eyes and moved them to the  
left, then to the right.  
  
"Well I'm not drunk...unless Tai Ho brought out the really hard stuff."  
  
Suddenly a shadow loomed over Yam Koo. He turned around...  
  
...and was staring at the most unusual man. He was very tall and muscular, with brown  
hair, but was only wearing two things: a pair of short, bright blue trousers, and a crooked grin   
on his mustached face.  
  
"Whassup!" he bellowed in a clear, happy voice, with a very strange accent...  
  
"Whass...up?" Yam Koo repeated slowly, a look of confusion crossing his face.  
  
"Word, Bubby!" said the man, laughing heartily. "Did you come here for work?"  
  
"Uhh... work?"  
  
"Yeah, Bubby! I'll show you!"   
  
That said, the man seized Yam Koo by the waist, running toward a door with   
poor Yam Koo tucked underneath one burly arm.  
  
"Hey, put me down!"  
  
The man didn't listen. Within a few minutes, he had plowed through the door, slamming it  
open using his shoulder. The entire room was... beyond comprehension in its strangeness.  
  
The walls were sky blue, with clouds and fences and hills painted on them. There was a  
pink and yellow floor, and a big bathtub that resembled a well taking up about half the space.  
  
Yam Koo glanced around slowly, as the man lowered him into the bathtub. "What the hell  
is going on here?" he asked, feeling a drop of sweat drop down the side of his face.  
  
The man still didn't listen, he whistled shrilly, and shouted. "Hey boys! We got a new  
recruit."  
  
All at once, a stab of nervous fear hit Yam Koo. "Oh shit... bathtub... lots of men..."  
  
Yam Koo could've sworn the very foundation of the building shook as a horde of about  
twenty men charged through the door, all wearing nothing but short briefs and occasionally short  
shirts.  
  
The first man grinned as he turned on the water to the tub.   
  
"Welcome to our group, Bubby. You look even better than the spikey-headed bubby from a  
few days ago."  
  
"Why me..." Yam Koo muttered to himself, as the men begin to climb into the tub, grunting  
as they shifted to let each man in.  
  
Yam Koo shuddered, and tried to remember better days, when he was fishing at Lake Toran  
with his brother Tai Ho.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Words of Wisdom from Tai Ho: "Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger... unless of course  
you get a limb chopped off. That's never quite the same again."  
  
Words of Wisdom from Yam Koo: "I think I've run out of stuff to say. Maybe we should let Tai Ho  
say two things and just call it 'Words of Nonsense' or something instead."  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Tai Ho stood in a large office, half of the walls taken up by a huge window. Standing in   
front of him was a rather short man with a red sweater, wearing glasses that flashed from the  
sunlight occasionally and hurt Tai Ho's eyes.  
  
"So your name is Tai Ho?" the man inquired.  
  
"That's me," replied Tai Ho, nodding. "But how'd you know my name?"  
  
"Well...you told me a few minutes ago."  
  
"Or is that just what you want me to think?"  
  
At this, the man seemed perplexed.  
  
"Umm...anyway. Tai Ho, I am Headmaster Cid Kramer."  
  
"Your first name is Headmaster?"  
  
"No...that's my title at the Garden."  
  
"This looks more like an academy to me."  
  
"But it's called Balamb Garden. We train special military units called SeeDs here...  
what's so funny?"  
  
Tai Ho chuckled as Cid explained the military units. "Well, I can just imagine these  
little plant guys running around with spears and stuff, and flags that say 'Flower Power!'"  
  
"...Are you mentally ill, Tai Ho?"  
  
"You'd be surprised how often people ask me that."  
  
"Well...in any case, you may stay here for a few days until you get back on your feet."  
  
"I thought I was already on them." said Tai Ho, looking down at his sandals.  
  
"It's...an expression."  
  
"Pretty dumb expression."  
  
Cid pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose lightly, nervously. "Just pick an empty  
dorm room to stay in while you're here. Good day."  
  
***  
  
A few days had passed.  
  
"Hey you! Get back here!"  
  
"Gotta catch me first!"  
  
Tai Ho dashed through the main pavillion of Balamb Garden. The fountains and signs   
sparkled and glowed cheerfully as he clutched a hot dog in one hand. He was being chased closely  
by a young man with spiky blond hair, a tattoo on the side of his face, blue shorts, red and   
black shirts, and a really angry glare.  
  
"You bastard! I've been waiting forever to get one of those! Give it back, before I beat  
the shit out of you!"  
  
"But I've never even heard of these... 'hot dogs'? It looks good, so I think I'll try it  
now."  
  
"Not MY hot dog, shit head!"  
  
Tai Ho grinned as he looked back at the infuriated Garden student.  
  
"You'll never catch me running like thaaaaa-!"  
  
Tai Ho wasn't watching where he was running. As he was jeering at the young man and   
taunting him, he hit the railing on the edge of the platform, flipping head over heels and   
falling into the water below, the hot dog tumbling down as well, lost to the small lake.  
  
The student caught himself on the edge of the railing, looking down in shock.  
  
"Damn. I really wanted that hot dog. Oh well, serves the jerk right. Where'd he go,  
anyway?"  
  
***  
  
Tai Ho didn't know how he was dry when he hit the water. He figured either the pool or   
himself would wet him. He opened his eyes, and saw that he was lying on brown, cracked earth. Everywhere, electronic signs hummed and flickered. Seeing a large mob of people dressed  
in strange attire, he got to his feet and walked toward them.  
  
"Excuse me," said Tai Ho, tapping one man on the shoulder. "I think I fell out of a   
parallel dimension recently, and well... uhh... why is your hand on your pants like that?" At  
this the man flushed and quickly stuffed both hands into his pockets. "Anyway, where am I,  
and what's going on?"  
  
The man was wearing a blue suit and helmet (but still a red face), and appeared quite  
angry. "You bastard! How dare you insult me!" He puffed out his chest, showing a small  
badge. "You see this?!"  
  
Tai Ho leaned in to look at the badge. The name 'Shin-Ra' was engraved on it.  
  
"Ooh! That looks like a fish badge!"  
  
The man struck Tai Ho across the face, people nearby turning to look at what was  
transpiring.  
  
Tai Ho stood in place for a moment, before standing to his full height (well over six  
feet tall) and looking down his nose at the officer.  
  
"That wasn't nice. I like fish badges."  
  
Tai Ho swung his hand quickly, slapping the officer across the face. The man cried out  
as he was hit, falling to the ground dazed.  
  
"That was easy."  
  
Turning to a man in a black jacket, Tai Ho said "Now, maybe you can help me."  
  
The young man stood in astonishment for a few seconds, before clearing his throat  
nervously. "Uhh... go to the gym at the north end. They'll tell you everything."  
  
"Okay. Thanks."  
  
Tai Ho started to walk away, before running back and taking the fallen officer's badge.  
  
"My very own fish badge...!"  
  
Waving to the astounded crowd, Tai Ho dashed toward the northern area of town.  
  
***  
  
Yam Koo wished he was dead.  
  
The group who 'recruited' him had dragged him along on their monthly retreat to a cabin  
in the forest. The place was miles away from any towns Yam Koo had seen as they drove along. They were all crammed tightly in one roof-less vehicle, but no one else seemed to mind.  
  
The man driving was singing loudly and cheerfully (but very off-key!) when a dark  
skinned fellow next to Yam Koo said "Mukki, pick up the pace! I want to go to my special  
tree."  
  
Mukki grinned as he stopped singing and sped up, making Yam Koo feel queasy.  
  
"I don't know why you hold up your bladder to do something like that, Copchek. But  
you're right, we need to make better time. If we don't get there before sundown, we'll have to   
camp in the car."  
  
"Heaven forbid." muttered Yam Koo miserably.   
  
***  
  
Tai Ho stepped into a large building that resembled a warehouse on the outside, but  
had a sign that said 'Gym.' He wrinkled his nose as the smell of dirt and sweat assailed his senses. There were two scales, a few punching bags, and a large boxing mat within this place.  
There were currently three muscular men and what might be a woman training, oblivious to the   
newcomer.  
  
Tai Ho called out loudly. "Hi! I think I'm in the wrong universe, could someone help me  
out?"  
  
The gym tenants stopped training, looking at Tai Ho and approaching him with confident  
strides. The woman(?) was the first to speak.  
  
"What d'you mean wrong universe? Is there something the matter with it?" She(??) said  
these words with a gruff voice, her(???) head bobbing, as the wig on top struggled to stay on.  
  
"Well... where do I start?" asked Tai Ho, not really waiting for an answer. "Anyway,   
if you could tell me how to cross realities, I'd appreciate it."  
  
A muscled man sauntered forward, shaking furiously.  
  
"You... y-you'd better not mess with Bro!" he stammered, pointing to the womanly-looking  
person.  
  
"So that's a man, huh," said Tai Ho.  
  
"Bet you're surprised, aren-cha?" said 'Bro,' grinning toothily.  
  
"Not really. That wig sucks, and your dress doesn't even match your shoes," replied Tai  
Ho.  
  
Bro's grin faded and was replaced with a scowl.One of the men jeered contemptuously at Tai Ho. "And if you want info, you gotta take on... Big Bro!" The supposed woman (previously   
revealed to be a man) stuck a thumb to his collar bone and winked.  
  
Tai Ho looked from face to face at each of the gym dwellers, before yawning.   
  
"Sounds too complicated. See ya." He turned toward the door, leaving the odd group  
with confused expressions.  
  
"He didn't even let us say what he was supposed to do...did he waste time like that on  
purpose, Big Bro?"  
  
The cross-dressed man spun around toward the speaker.  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
Bro landed a punch on the muscular man, knocking him out cold.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
Words of Wisdom from Tai Ho: "Ha ha! Hee hee! Hoo hoo! Ha ha hee hee ha ha ha! Wheeee!"  
Words of Wisdom from Yam Koo: "...Zzz...zzz...zzz..."  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Here we are!"  
  
The door to a small, brightly-colored cabin opened quickly. Mukki walked in with Copchek,  
who had Yam Koo tucked over one shoulder. Copchek lowered the poor young fisherman to the floor,  
shaking him roughly.  
  
"Wakey, wakey, junior!"  
  
Yam Koo groaned and opened his eyes.  
  
"I dreamed I was stuck in some weird machine with a bunch of... oh, it's you guys.  
Guess it wasn't a dream..."  
  
Mukki and Copchek grinned broadly.  
  
"Afraid not, buckeroo," said Mukki, "but we'll give you some time to rest in here. An  
ice cream man should be getting here in about half an hour, so we'll be back then."  
  
Mukki and Copchek strolled out the door, where a small group of large men closed the door  
and left the cabin entirely.  
  
Yam Koo slowly climbed to his feet, dusting his blue robe off lightly. As he began to   
wonder what he was going to do, he heard a knock at the door.  
  
"Who is it?"  
  
Yam Koo only heard some muffled laughter in response.   
  
"Probably a clown or something," he muttered to himself as he opened the door. Seeing who  
it was, his eyes widened slightly.  
  
"Looks like I was right..."  
  
Standing on the doorsept was none other than Tai Ho. He grinned and waved to Yam Koo.  
  
"Heya. I got lost in a city of some sort looking for a bathroom, and saw some people  
carry you in here."  
  
"Looking for a..." Yam Koo shook his head slowly. "Never mind. We need to get out of here. Fast."  
  
The brothers stepped out of the cabin and began to walk toward one of thse cars, when suddenly Mukki, Copchek and five other men appeared from out of a bunch of trees. Mukki  
pointed an accusing finger at Tai Ho.  
  
"Where you takin' our bubby, bubby?"  
  
"Your bubby?" Tai Ho looked at Yam Koo and chuckled. "I didn't think you had it in you,  
Yam Koo."  
  
"Oh brother," grumbled Yam Koo with a roll of his eyes.  
  
Copchek stepped past Mukki and rose up before the duo. "No one's takin' JUNIOR BUBBY!" he screamed as he charged at Tai Hoo, swinging his fists menacingly.  
  
Tai Ho turned his eyes heavenward, whistling casually as he drew his fishing pole and   
smoothly stepped aside. Copchek tripped on the pole and fell flat on his face, stunned.  
  
"Let's borrow one of those machines, Yam Koo."  
  
As the group of men ran to help Copchek, Tai Ho and Yam Koo jumped into a car. Yam Koo  
recognized it as the same car that he had been in earlier.  
  
"Bro, how're we going to drive this thing?"  
  
"It doesn't look too hard, Yam Koo."  
  
Tai Ho began to press buttons and move levers, one hand cranking the steering wheel left  
and right and one foot pressing a pedal firmly (the gas pedal, believe it or not). By a strange  
stroke of luck, the car started, and began to speed forward with a roar.  
  
Yam Koo sank into his seat, but Tai Ho gripped the wheel with white knuckles and stood,  
waving one hand wildly as he whooped.  
  
"Yee-haw! Here! We! GO!"  
  
"I knew I shouldn't have gone fishing today..."  
  
As Tai Ho sat down, both brothers heard a bellowing behind them. Looking back down the road, they couldn't believe their eyes.  
  
Following them was an identical car. Mukki drove it, his face a thundercloud of fury  
and facial hair. Three of the five men from before were sitting closely in back, their features  
etched in fury.  
  
"Give our bubby back! WHASSUP!"  
  
At that moment, something in Yam Koo snapped. He stood slowly, drawing his own fishing  
pole and narrowing his eyes at Mukki's mustached face.  
  
"I'm..."  
  
Yam Koo hefted the pole in one hand.  
  
"I'm not..."  
  
Tai Ho looked at Yam Koo.  
  
"Calm down Yam Koo... oops!" He looked back toward the road, keeping the vehicle on course.  
  
Suddenly Yam Koo yelled at the top of his lungs, his blond hair flying in the wind wildly.  
  
"I'm NOT your BUBBY!"  
  
Gritting his teeth, Yam Koo threw the pole with all his strength. It flew like a javelin, conking Mukki on the head soundly and knocking him out. The three men cried out as the car spun out of control, flipping over and over repeatedly as it flew off the road with a crash.  
  
Yam Kook sat down heavily, shaking.  
  
Tai Ho grinned.  
  
"That kicked ass, Yam Koo.  
  
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Words of Wisdom from Tai Ho: Going and to be needing a super so be doing!  
Words of Wisdom from Yam Koo: Sorry about that, my brother likes to spout nonsense.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Tai Ho and Yam Koo were on the road for a couple of hours, when suddenly they saw another vehicle coming toward them.  
  
Tai Ho beamed. "Hey, maybe they can help us with our dimensional problem! I tried asking  
some people in that big city, but everything just looked at me strangely or tried to beat me up."  
  
Yam Koo groaned. "You actually went around telling people you were from another world?"  
  
"Well, anyway, here they come," replied Tai Ho, waving toward the car. "Hey! Hello! Can you help us ou..." he began to call, trailing off as he saw the passengers of the vehicle.  
  
It was none other than the six patrons of the gym. Behind the wheel itself was the strange cross-dresser, Big Bro. All of them seemed to recognize Tai Ho immediately, and none looked very happy to see him.  
  
"It's YOU! We're going to kill you for not playing things our way!"  
  
"Your way? It was too complicated, I didn't want to bother," replied Tai Ho.  
  
Big Bro swiftly turned the steering wheel, and sped adjacent to them on the road, glaring menacingly.  
  
"You didn't even hear what our way was!"  
  
"Well why should I listen to someone who seems to have problems with their gender? Normally I'd be happy to listen to what they have to say, except I would hope they at least have the smarts to cross-dress convincingly. What's with that dumb wig? Anyway, I could tell right off that you not only seemed to have disturbing mental problems yourself, but you even hang around other people that have bothersome mental problems as well. Now tell me that if you saw a man in a really sucky cross-dress attempt, hanging around muscle-bound buffoons that probably can't even spell cross-dress, would you think that 'their way' was going to be anything BUT complicated?" said Tai Ho, not seeming winded at all by the long tirade of words.  
  
At this Big Bro seemed at a loss. He and his odd group stared at Tai Ho and Yam Koo blankly for some time, before Big Bro finally seemed to piece the parts of the speech together.  
  
"What! You bastards are going to burn for that! No one insults Big Bro and gets away with it!"  
  
Yam Koo slid into his seat slowly. "Oh man... why me?"  
  
Screaming with rage, Big Bro sharply swerved toward Tai Ho's car, bumping into them heavily and causing two of the six men of the gym to fall out of the car, quickly left behind, stunned, in the dust.  
  
"Hey! That was neat! Let me try!" yelled Tai Ho, looking maniacly happy as he swerved the car to slam heavily into the side of Big Bro's car. The jolt from this clash made another man in Big Bro's car fall out of his seat, crying out in surprise as he tumbled off the side of the road.  
  
Big Bro scowled. "You'll pay for that!"  
  
Speeding up, Big Bro slammed the corner of the car toward Tai Ho's tire, trying to puncture it. However, the tire was too low, and the metal above it was struck, causing little to no damage.  
  
Suddenly, Tai Ho and Yam Koo heard yells behind them. They glanced over their respective shoulders, and their eyes widened with shock as they saw Mukki's car once more (only much more badly damaged) speeding toward them, the strange mustached man's face contorted with anger.  
  
"I just got an idea!" said Tai Ho, grinning with pride. Quickly, he hit the brake, slamming the car to a stop. Big Bro's car quickly turned around, speeding toward their front, while Mukki's car stayed on course toward their rear.  
  
"Bro, what the hell are you doing?!" cried Yam Koo, looking from Big Bro's to Mukki's incoming cars. They would reach them in a matter of seconds!  
  
"Just watch, Yam Koo. I'll show you what every fishing master knows!" replied Tai Ho, his grin never fading as the vehicles approached ever closer.  
  
Finally, both cars were mere feet away, and Tai Ho slammed the acceleration pedal, turning the wheel to the right and speeding toward the edge of the road.  
  
Big Bro's and Mukki's eyes widened as they suddenly saw the horrible truth: they were now hurtling toward each other, about to crash. Big Bro spun the wheel frantically, while Mukki stomped on the brake.  
  
In an impressive show, Big Bro's car spun to the side, hitting the hood of Mukki's car and flying up into the air. All of Big Bro's passengers, as well as Big Bro, dived out of the car, landing a few feet away. As the car began to fall toward them, Mukki and his remaining men jumped out of their car, running for their lives as both cars crammed into each other. Sparks from the friction of the metal flew, igniting the cars' fuel tanks. In a matter of seconds, a brilliant explosion overtook the vehicles, shrapnel, rubber and stuffed moogles flying everywhere!   
  
Yam Koo, in a rare show of happiness, cried out with glee. "Gods, Bro! You wasted them!"  
  
Tai Ho smiled knowingly, nodding. "Every master fisherman knows that its the smartest fish that gets away."  
  
All of a sudden, it began to rain. As the first drops fell, both brothers vanished, their car slowing to a stop.  
  
***  
  
"Crap... that hurt..."  
  
Big Bro slowly sat up, rubbing his head. He gasped in shock as his wig fell into his lap, burnt to cinders. He grabbed the wig, his hand tightening around it into a fist, his eye twitching as he raised his arm and shook his fist at the retreating car.  
  
"Damn you, you bastards! I'll get you yet, do you hear me?!"  
  
Mukki lay a few feet away, a thick layer of soot covering his body. He simply coughed a puff of smoke, stunned for the moment.  
  
***   
  
Yam Koo slowly sat up, rubbing his head. Wearily, he realized he was now sitting on the bank of Lake Toran once more, the birds singing cheerfully and the sun shining brightly, the stones of Toran Castle having their usual lustery shine.  
  
"I guess we're back... about time."  
  
Yam Koo looked about, for signs of his brother Tai Ho. He didn't see him anywhere. He felt tears begin to come to his eyes, but gasped as a large splash came from the lake, water spraying over him. Coughing, he looked curiously at the source.   
  
Tai Ho stood from the water, shaking himself off. "What a great day it's been! I think my new fishing technique works after all."  
  
"Bro... what's been going on today?"  
  
"Well let's see... you came down from the castle, while I talked to you about that swindling bait shopkeeper..."  
  
"Right... that's all that happened," muttered Yam Koo quietly to himself with relief.  
  
"...Then we started falling through weird dimensions and realities and stuff, then I did that neat stunt with that machine," concluded Tai Ho, nodding.  
  
"...I just noticed something. What happened to your beard?"  
  
"Nothing. I'll just grow a new one."  
  
Yam Koo blinked slowly. "Gods, you're taking it well. I thought you loved your beard."  
  
"Yeah. I even buried its remains in one of the dimensions. I put some flowers in with it. It was a nice sort of funeral."  
  
"That's... kind of disturbing, bro."  
  
"Nah. Wanna get something to eat?"  
  
"Sure."  
  
Yam Koo stood slowly, a small hint of amusement in his expression. "I guess it was sort of fun."  
  
Together, the two brothers walked toward Toran Castle.  
  
-THE END- 


End file.
